It’s funny to me, sometimes friends will mention to me how they never see me without a smile on my face, and they think I must be happy every day. I think that’s because they just don’t see me on days like today. This has been a rough one.
I’m not going to go into details because firstly my problems are really not that horrific, and secondly I’m not writing this to win sympathy, so details aren’t necessary. Let’s just say, I’ve been dealing with a lot of my failures today and some of the consequences of said failures. As such, I’ve been dealing with one of my constant struggles, which is self-loathing.
I’m the sort of person that will continue to beat himself up relentlessly if he fails. This is difficult since I fail a lot. I don’t tell many people about this, but what the hey, might as well tell the internet. Haha. But anyway, today has been quite a battle in that regard.
But I’m not writing this to talk about my failures. I wanted to tell you about how amazing it is that God is still faithful even on days like today. Today when I was at a prayer meeting with some awesome friends I was praying and worshipping and it suddenly occured to me that God died for me despite my own failures and unworthiness. He reminded me of the astounding truth of Romans 5:8: “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. I can’t even comprehend that. A lot of times I can’t quite understand how people would love me, let alone the Almighty God.
I am reminded of something I wrote a while back about God’s love:
“Agape: Divine love. Without conditions. Despite the unworthiness of the recipitent. Unchanging love. Forgiving love. Sacrificial love. That’s how Jesus loves.”
I am speechless at the thought that God loves me with that love. No matter how many times I fail, no matter how large of a mess I’ve made of things, no matter how many people I hurt, or how much I hate myself, God loves me. And that is the love that God has for you. It’s my prayer that He’ll remind you just as He’s reminded me. Today has been one of those days, but God can redeem every day.